How (and why) to write, work, and think like an advice columnist

It will come as a surprise to no one that I am interested in the craft of writing. A creature of bubbling and widely varied enthusiasms, I love few things so much as I love words.

I am of the opinion that the best things one can do to improve one's writing are reading a lot and writing a lot. And one of the many things I like to read is a good advice column.

I think my favourite thing about advice columns is the hope. It is often a stern, no-nonsense, tough-love kind of hope, but it is still hope. The authoring of an advice column, and the act of reading or writing to an advice columnist —indeed, the very existence of advice columns at all— is a profound demonstration of optimism that I feel is often sorely lacking in the world. It requires the belief that things can improve, that help can be offered and solutions proposed and alternatives explored, that such things as wisdom and caring and counsel are available to us and can have an impact on our lives.

This is my kind of optimism: the kind that doesn’t sugar-coat and doesn’t screw around, but stubbornly refuses to give up on the idea of goodness and potential and things working out, someday, eventually, if we’re willing to try and try and try again.

Any person who believes that reading advice columns is simply a gross form of voyeurism, a reveling in the dysfunctions of others, may be argued against from the basis that such an individual would never bother to read the answers. It would not be necessary to have a columnist at all, rather we could simply publish letters from people airing their troubles and dirty little secrets.

Oh wait: we already have something like that. It’s called PostSecret. And guess what? Even here —where no help is being solicited, where people write in simply for the relief of having shared their secret with someone, however anonymously— even here there is help to be had, in the form of community, resources, and optimism.

Advice columns are so beautifully optimistic. I include those who write letters knowing gosh-darned well how to solve their own damn problems but just need a rhetorical kick in the rear, and those who write letters from the depths of despair: they have summoned the strength to ask for help, and in return they receive acknowledgement and ideas and perspectives, which are among the powerful tools around.

So, this brings me to my first point of advice in how to work like an advice columnist.

Aim high
Reach upwards from the dark pits and reach upwards from the trees and reach upwards from the mountaintops. Believe in the possibility of improvement and tackle the question of how to go about it.

The rest of my advice runs thusly:

Practice active empathy
Every good advice columnist is empathetic. This means really considering other perspectives with an open mind and fighting the impulse to normalize your own desires and experiences at the expense of others. Not only will empathy help you to better understand where others are coming from, it will boost your patience and can lead to the development of better communication skills.

Embrace fallibility
It takes courage to ask for help. One of the defining philosophies of the advice column is that no one is perfect, everyone has problems, we all make mistakes… and that while no single person has all the answers, together we can solve even that which seems insurmountable.

Focus on people
The best advice columnists really care for their readers, strangers though they may be. Remembering that behind any piece of work is a human face with a history and passions and family and stress is a valuable perspective to maintain in life.

Be honest
Advice columnists are a great source for tough love when someone really needs it. The value in this is not a willingness to say something unpleasant, but in the willingness to be honest with the best interests of the reader at heart. Voicing an unpopular position is rarely the ideal decision in the short term, but often is best and most beneficial in the long term.

Share your knowledge
An advice columnist is never afraid to share their own experiences and expertise. It is difficult but valuable to own your wisdom and have the guts to assert that you know what you’re talking about – and that assertiveness can be instrumental in having your expertise respected. But even if some choose to disregard your advice, you have at least contributed the most quality input in your repertoire.

Do your research
Remember how I said that no one has all the answers? Effective advice columnists will do a lot of research before replying to a particularly difficult inquiry, and will often refer their readers to other resources. Foster a healthy sense of curiosity and if you don’t know, go find out.

Distinguish fact from opinion
Anecdote is a powerful tool in the advice columnist’s toolbox. It can help reassure an anxious reader that they are normal, and can be a good means of conveying a life lesson in a digestible way. One should never make the mistake, however, of assuming that’s one opinion is universal or that one’s perspectives are shared. Most importantly, don’t conflate that which you think with that which is known and proven to be true. Sometimes this means admitting error, both to yourself and to those around you.

Ask difficult questions
One of the most valuable things an advice columnist can do is ask questions. Questions serve to broaden not only our own horizons but the horizons of others, bringing into focus related matters that previously did not fall within the scope of discussion. Ask tricky questions, challenge boldly, and new solutions will present themselves.

That’s all I have to say about advice columnists for now. Want to learn more or see some great columnists in action? I recommend The Rumpus’s Dear Sugar and Apartment 613’s Dirty Laundress.


(The image at the top of this post, incidentally, is a collection of choice quotes from Sugar’s column that has been made into a poster. You can click the image to embiggen it and read the small print. It is available for purchase online.)